And months go by...

I felt lost and I think I am now found.

'Why would the Lord make this so hard for me?!', I had thought, now it is obvious, before I was going on a mission because the Spirit told me to. Now I want to go on a mission because I want to. Going out with the sister missionaries has changed my perspective and I see a mission as something I could really do and love.

I know it will be hard, and it has been, but after my crying prayer to the Lord a month ago, where I practically said I hated Him for what this mission has put me through, I'm at peace. That prayer, alone in my room around 2am, was all my anguish over my decision to go on a mission, was all my pain of earlier that day when my parents said, point-blank, "if you aren't going on a mission, just tell us."

Everyone asks me, "When are you going? Are your papers in yet?" How can I just say, "No, because I'm still not under the required weight limit." Talk about awkward...

I want to leave now, and my weight IS the only thing keeping me here... I have a physical scheduled for the end of this month, and I'm tempted to do something drastic to lose the weight- but I would never do that to my body, or the Lord.

These were the things I cried to the Lord, that I'm glad I can just get off my chest... I lost 25 lbs. fast, but now I'm just in a slump and annoyed at my weight being the same for so long...

ANYWAY, I am revitilized and ready to lose the required weight to go.